New Year resolutions to get you through the suicide month of January

New Year resolutions to get you through the suicide month of January

Christmas got nearer, the goose got fat and you put a penny in the old man’s hat. Only the goose was an economy turkey, the old man was 18 and a penny never seems enough when a steely knife is encouraging your wallet open.

So Christmas isn’t what it used to be, but its passing remains a sullen time, made all the more harrowing by the thought of the dud month of January. One more DFS sale ad might even be enough to nudge you over the edge, but step down from the chair as you watch another out-of-work actor dive onto a three-piece-suite in slow motion. This is the time for new beginnings, introductory gym memberships, Weight Watchers’ boom of the financial year, and our chance to voice what you should being kicking to the damp curb in 2009, and what might just be worth a look in.

Give It Up
Bestival – Not even My Bloody Valentine could pull the Isle Of Wight festival out of its fatal tailspin last year. One year of horrific weather too many (not helped by the site’s main stage being at the bottom of a hill), and a louty newcomer punter too far, it’s the great casualty from the 2008 ‘Gig In A Field’ boom.

Pop – ‚”or those blabbing on about being “a band that just want to make pop music”. If you want to be a Simon Cowell wet dream (and who wouldn’t?) you’ve got to play the game. And no, there’s not a Shoreditch-synth-off round.

Coke – As in the drug that makes you the most compelling of company.

Reality TV – Because we’re one year away from cock-gobbling in a jungle looking a little tacky.

Facebook – Although it would of course mean that you’d not be the first to hear of Jane becoming friends with Sally. Maybe nudge this to the bottom of the priority list.

Hating on ‘Cool’ – If you “hate the term ‘cool'” it’s because you’re The Fonz (a 40 year old living in a ginger boys garage) and not Richie Cunningham (a ginger boy making the best of the bad hand dealt to him).

The London Lite – Because we’re one year away from cock-gobbling in London looking a little tacky.

Pick It Up
Offset Festival – The Hainault bash will be two this year, after a 2008 launch that saw the best indie line up of the festival season. The organisers strived to put together a weekender that didn’t feature “all the usual bands”, so they got Gang Of Four, The Wire, Black Devil, S.C.U.M. and the like involved.

Blah-core – Haven’t you heard? It’s the new genre of music that everyone’s touching themselves about. It bummed New Grave at New Year’s and was sick on Folktronica’s prissy face. Its forefathers are Banjo Or Freakout and Gentle Friendly and it’s going to be massive, until the monster we create turns on us in February.

Coke – As in -a-Cola, the largest selling drink in every major city in the world, bar Glasgow, where Irn-Bru is the champion due to local government rule forcing all inhabitants to brush their teeth with the soft drink.*

DBvsLQ TV – AKA our web-based video interviews, brought to you in partnership with clubbing partners Dirty Bingo. Oh, “that’s a shameless plug”, is it? Well we’ve got podcasts, blogs and exclusives at too. Have that! – Myspace meets Drowned In Sound, it’s proof that everyone can – and should – be a music journo.

Hating on Damon Albarn – Oh, you already have. Excellent.

The Free Music Press – Because until we’re sponsored by hair gel or mobile phones, it’s the only place to gauge accurate musical opinions.

* Coke-a-Cola outselling all competition in all major cities except Glasgow is true. The teeth-brushing thing may or may not just be a vicious rumour.


Originally featured in Loud And Quiet Issue 3 (Vol. 3), published on Feb 14th, 2009

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