See if you can spot the blatant lie: In Germany, Adam Green is indie’s answer to David Hasselhoff. Adam Green’s grandmother romanced Franz Kafka and appears – albeit disguised – in several of his major works. Adam is famous in South America after one of his songs was used in a toothpaste advert, however, no one asked to use ‘Jorge Regula’ to flog the breath freshener and Green only discovered its existence after he was invited to pick up an Argentinean award.
Remarkably, all are true. We could also add that the former Moldy Peach once sold Albert Hammond Jr the very suit from his own back. Or that off the back of teen-pregnancy comedy, ‘Juno’, New York’s indie kingpin was invited on the US’ equivalent of Loose Women to perform ‘Anyone Else But You’.
For its sheer berserker glory we could also recount that live on German TV’s biggest chat show he claimed that he and the brothers from Hanson had fought together in Iraq in a special celebrity unit (look it up on Youtube).
However, to merely restate these colourful chapters provides us with nothing of the man himself. Adam Green does not do these things for attention, they happen to him simply because he is Adam Green. To celebrate and toast one of music’s last true mavericks, Loud And Quiet met with him in his bus, backstage at some European festival. A tape recorder was left running, but what happened was not an interview in any conventional sense. Instead what surged from Green’s lips could be called an epistle, a pronouncement, an edict. It could also be called an unhinged conversation between two people whose minds were temporarily not their own.
The choice is yours, but with X Factor homogenisation coming from the left, the credit crunch eroding indie’s ability to fund gloriously doomed experiments from the right, Loud And Quiet is happy to doff its cap and genuflect before a true non-conformist.
The tape recorder has been running for a few minutes, pleasantries are exchanged, the noise of bottles being moved can be heard
Adam: I made up a joke about my Keds. What’s the similarity between my Keds and the devil?
P: Your kids?
A: My Keds, they’re a wonderful brand of shoes.
P: Oh your shoes?
A: Yeah. What’s the similarity between my Keds and the devil?
P: I don’t know.
A: They both have basically no sole/soul. [sniggering] It’s good right? A biting political joke, religious too. I have a religious riddle for you too.
A: Four people are the last people remaining on planet earth, Two men, two women. They’re both relegated to two islands, on each island a man and a woman. One island is located in the Philippines, the other is off the coast of Ecuador. Now for some reason, these people on the islands can’t procreate. It’s not because of fertility, it’s not because of sexual attraction. Nothing to do with age or whatever… Why can’t they procreate, the last four remaining people on the planet?
P: Mmm. It’s a religious riddle?
A: I would normally say the hint was science or history.
P: Give up.
A: It’s because of the ten commandments!
P: They’re brothers and sisters?
A: No because both of their island partners are each other’s spouses, and the Ten Commandments says ‘thou shalt not commit adultery’ and that’s why they can’t procreate. It’s an interesting riddle.
P: Religion ends the world.
A: It’s complicated.
P: You got married recently, didn’t you?
A: Yeah this tour has been like a marathon because I got married right before then we we’re off to do a couple of festivals and we took a honeymoon in Rome. We found a private swimming pool under the aqueduct and we spent like seven days in the swimming pool, which was really lovely. Then all of a sudden we are getting divorced and we both have lawyers and shit. Her lawyer is a girl and mine is a guy so it’s almost like THEY are getting divorced. It’s really a mess. It makes me sick the whole thing…
P: It doesn’t sound like you want to talk about it.
A: Yeah my interviewing style is incredibly personal. So anyway, I found a Roman coin in the ruins of the Palentine Hill. I was walking around the Palentine Hill, beside where the forum was and I found a coin under some sand. I don’t know how much it’s worth. I’m going to have to take it to the antique roadshow. Isn’t that lucky?
P: It’s probably some ancient antiquity. It’s probably against the law to take it out of Italy.
A: They can’t arrest me ‘cos my music is too handsome. Also, I tried to get an orange from one of the trees up there. I shook it and a rotten orange fell from the branch. I picked it up, realised it was rotten, inedible and then some punk came up to me and tried to charge me a Euro for it!
P: Was it his tree?
A: (pause) He was delusional. He was dressed as a Roman centurion.